Season 8 Episode 1
by Anna Queen
Summary: My perfect beginning to BtVS: Season 8. Pure B/S indulgence! Enjoy.


This is my personal fantasy of how Buffy: Season 8 would begin. I leave it to you to work out what would happen in Season 7 to get to this stage. 

Please note that all cross-referencing is deliberate…I am fully aware that I have lifted quotes from previous episodes and have no desire to credit them as my own!

This was sheer indulgence for me – I hope it is as much fun for you!

Episode 1 of Season 8 

Prologue

EXT. SUNNYDALE CEMETARY - NIGHT

Buffy is seated on a gravestone, wearing a familiar-looking leather coat, reading a rather crumpled paperback book.

WILLOW (OS): Hey Buffy. I come bearing paper bags.

BUFFY: [closing up the book and smiling at Willow] Will. Thank you. Paper bags. My favourite. 

BUFFY takes one of the bags from Willow and looks cautiously inside.

WILLOW: [sitting down beside Buffy on the gravestone] What's wrong?

BUFFY: Just checking. No, nothing moving. Sorry Will. Old habits die hard, I guess.

WILLOW: I'll have you know these fries are the static variety. The all-singing, all-dancing ones were way over my budget.

BUFFY: There were – oh. I am just going to eat my fries right now and not suffer the humiliation of finishing that sentence.

WILLOW: [pointing to the book] Is that-

BUFFY: [nodding] Mm hm. You wanna hear some?

WILLOW nods.

BUFFY: [reads out loud from the book] "_She sat there wrapped in the darkness, unaware that behind her_ _he was slowly advancing. _[As she reads a vampire appears behind them. The words she reads are echoed by the actions of the vampire, although Buffy and Willow seem completely unaware of any of this] _His black, twisted frame towered over her. As he leaned in closer to the golden hair that fell in an effulgent mass…"_

WILLOW: Effulgent?

BUFFY: [smiles] Oh yeah. "…_that fell in an effulgent mass over her slender shoulders, he was overwhelmed by the scent of blood coursing through her veins. He took a shuddering breath, anticipating the kill. Suddenly she whipped out a stake and drove it through the very core of his being, like a bolt of lightning shot through his heart. _[As Buffy reads this she herself takes out a stake, and, without turning round, dusts the vampire behind her] _He gave an anguished cry and crumbled at her feet…_" [She pauses, and turns back to Willow] …I mean, can you believe people actually buy this stuff?

Act I 

INT – BUFFY'S BEDROOM - MORNING

The sound of an alarm clock ringing is heard. Pan down from the alarm clock to BUFFY, lying in bed. She opens her eyes reluctantly, half lifts her head, turns to look at the time and with an exasperated sigh shuts her eyes again and rests her head back on the pillow.

FAMILIAR VOICE (OS): I say we lose the alarm track, pet.

BUFFY: That's the plan ... [mischievously] ...soon as my arms start working.

FAMILIAR VOICE (still OS): I'll do it, shall I?

We see a "sort of compact but well-muscled arm" reach across her and the camera pans down to reveal SPIKE (who else!) He raises himself up on one elbow and as he reaches across to turn off the alarm stoops down to kiss Buffy on the mouth. He remains propped up on his elbow and smiles down at her.

BUFFY: Mmm...you know something? 

SPIKE: What?

She reaches up to wrap her arms around his neck.

BUFFY: Think I remember how to work my arms.

She pulls his head down towards hers.

At this moment DAWN enters, flinging open the door impatiently.

DAWN: Hell_-o_! Excuse me. Now is _so_ not the time to be swapping enzymes.

BUFFY: Dawn, _how_ many times have I told you to knock?

DAWN: About as many times as I just knocked.

BUFFY: You knocked? Which door?

DAWN: [exasperated] I do not have time for this. I am leaving for school in five minutes, with or without you. And remember I am not the one with the license. 

She turns and leaves the room.

BUFFY: [to Spike] Do you think that was my cue to get up? 

SPIKE: Tell you what, love, you stay here, I'll take the Little Bit.

BUFFY: You're very sweet, honey, but I don't recall any story starting 'one sunny morning' having a happy ending for your kind, do you?

SPIKE: Hey, c'mon, what's a barbecue moment to a man on a mission? One flame-grilled vampire, one Dawn safely delivered to the school gates on time. It's a fair deal.

BUFFY: [getting up] You know what? [She moves off screen as she gets dressed] Save it for a rainy day. Overcast. Clouds. Non-sunlight-y weather types only.

SPIKE: I could always take the shadowy route.

BUFFY: [laughing, as she pulls on her leather jacket] I am _going_, alright? OK if we take the bike? [She leans across to kiss him] Oh, and Spike…[she nods her head towards the paperback book on her bedside table]…enjoy the killing spree.

INT – WILLOW'S FLAT - MIDDAY

WILLOW is sitting at a computer, surfing the net.

BUFFY enters.

BUFFY: Hey Will.

WILLOW: Buffy. How goes it?

BUFFY: Good thank you. It is looking _very_ nice in here, Willow.

WILLOW: And one housewarming party coming up very shortly, really it is.

BUFFY: Did I say anything about a party?

WILLOW: I kinda got the subtext.

BUFFY: That was just your conscience speaking to you Will. I mean look at it, the place is begging for a party.

WILLOW: I and all the furniture got _that_ subtext.

BUFFY: [laughs] Anyway, anything I should know?

WILLOW: No, it's very quiet right now. Oh, I got an e-mail from Giles though.

BUFFY: Giles sent an e-mail? There you go, it's never too late to master the art of modern technology. What's he say?

WILLOW: You know Giles. All sex, drugs and rock'n'roll. [She grins] Seriously? He wants to know if Spike and I are maintaining his high standards and says we can all come and visit as soon as we've purged Sunnydale of its less desirable inhabitants.

BUFFY: I think the de-demoned Sunnydale is a little way off yet. If that's what he meant…I mean, vampire, past loser of library books – which would you take out? [She grins] And you're sure there's nothing else to report? No suspicious deaths? Unusual tooth work?

WILLOW: Like I said, all is calm.

BUFFY: Which in the Guide to Sunnydale in-speak translates as somewhere not too far from here there is gonna be a storm brewing.

INT – DILAPIDATED BUILDING

Three vampires are sitting around a heavy-looking pot filled with a dark liquid. One of the vampires pours something into the liquid from a tall, yellow glass bottle. As he does so the other vampires start to chant. A thick vapour rises from the pot, causing the chanting vampires to splutter.

INT – SUMMERS' HOUSE - AFTERNOON

SPIKE, wearing reading glasses, is sat at the table in front of an old typewriter. The crumpled paperback Buffy was reading the previous evening is on the table, along with a lot of pages of scribbled notes. A large tin of donuts is also on the table.

DAWN enters, carrying a school bag which she dumps on the table.

SPIKE: Good day then, Dawn-bit?

DAWN: [sighs] Remind me why Math is something I want to study.

SPIKE: [reaching into the donut tin] One donut plus one donut is one Dawn happy.

DAWN: One plus one is one? That's not Math. That's like…unmath. 

SPIKE: [sarcastically] Yeah, very subversive.

DAWN takes a bite of both donuts at once and a trail of jam runs down each side of her mouth.

DAWN: [in jokey vampire voice] So, vee haff how many victims today, o fanged one?

SPIKE: That's it. Laugh at the vampire. 

DAWN: Let me see [reaches across and turns the typewriter round to face her]…_Hallowe'en_ _Horror on the Hellmouth - another grisly tale from bestselling author William Blood. _[She looks around at the pile of notes on the table] That's a lot of work for one not very inspiring title. We didn't get round to any actual deaths today then?

SPIKE: Lay off the creative process there. This baby is keeping you in house and home. And donuts. Talking of which, Bit-some, we have to get on and make dinner before your sister gets home.

INT – SUMMERS' HOUSE – EVENING

Buffy, Dawn and Spike are sitting around the table, eating dinner. Buffy is poking her food around the plate with a degree of caution.

DAWN: Oh, mind out, the potatoes are still hot.

BUFFY: [looking down at her fork] This started life as a _potato? _

SPIKE: [Changing the subject before Dawn can reply] So you have the vamps all to yourself this evening, then?

BUFFY: Yep, it's just me and the wooden one tonight. Will says things are pretty quiet.

SPIKE: Well they are. In places that _aren't_ Sunnydale.

BUFFY: [smiles] Well, chances are I'm not going to meet anything that a quick one through the heart isn't going to sort out.

She settles her knife and fork down on her plate.

DAWN: OK, marks out of ten.

BUFFY: Hmmm. OK. Marks-for-not-being-or-in-any-way-resembling-a-burger: ten out of ten. Chef appeal: definite ten. Eleven if you would spill sauce down your _own _tops and you, sir, would wear those not unsexy reading glasses. Services to the potato community: shall we pass on that one?

EXT – SUNNYDALE CEMETARY – EVENING

VAMPIRES 1,2 & 3 (as seen in the building earlier) are sitting in the cemetery playing cards and drinking whisky. 

BUFFY (OS) Sorry to break up the party… [she appears on screen, again wearing Spike's coat, and walks slowly up to them]…but I could do with a little vamp action.

She punches VAMPIRE 1 who immediately punches back. Buffy and the three vampires fight and after a series of punches and kicks have been exchanged, VAMPIRE 1 grabs Buffy by the throat. As he leans in to bite her VAMPIRE 2 also approaches her from behind.

BUFFY: [to Vampire 1] I think you'll find it's never quite that simple. 

She head butts him and he falls to the ground. She immediately spins round to face VAMPIRE 2 and thrusts the stake towards him. She lets out a yell of pain and drops the stake.

VAMPIRE 1:[getting to his feet] No, you're right. It never is.

He lunges towards BUFFY again but she ducks and he collides with VAMPIRE 2. BUFFY picks up the stake again and is about to relaunch her attack when she looks down at the stake in horror. VAMPIRES 1& 2 watch her reaction with amusement. Meanwhile, VAMPIRE 3 has crept up behind her.

BUFFY: [to VAMPIRES 1 & 2] What are you looking at? 

She suddenly turns, ducks, and grabbing VAMPIRE 3's ankles throws him into the other two vampires. While they are all getting to their feet, she runs to safety.

VAMPIRE 1: [Calls after her, still catching his breath] We'll be back, Slayer.

BUFFY stops to examine what is left of the stake in her hand. It is badly blackened and the bottom half appears to have burnt away. Her hand is inflamed and she grits her teeth in pain. She shakes her head in disbelief and puts the stake into her coat pocket.

INT – SUMMERS' LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

SPIKE is sitting on the sofa watching TV. The sound of the front door opening and shutting is heard and BUFFY enters. She looks tired and a little subdued but smiles across at Spike, and, removing The Coat she is wearing as she walks across the room, curls up on the sofa beside him, leaning her head against his chest.

SPIKE: [Lifting his hand sleepily to stroke her hair] Tough night?

BUFFY: Pretty much. How was Dawn?

SPIKE: Chirpy. And very insistent on the entire Coal Bin Chronicles before bed.

BUFFY: Oh, _that_ Dawn. What did you do with I'm-way-too-old-for-a-babysitter-Dawn?

SPIKE: You know how it is. Donuts came, she left.

BUFFY: There were donuts? How come I always miss the donuts?

SPIKE suddenly notices her hand.

SPIKE: You're hurt.

BUFFY: What? Oh. Just a souvenir of a Sunnydale knees-up. All part of the slayer package.

SPIKE says nothing but takes her hand between his and gently unwraps the rag she has hastily bound it up in, rewrapping it carefully and more neatly.

BUFFY: Spike.

SPIKE: Slayer.

BUFFY: I need your help. 

SPIKE: Now you're talking. Go on.

BUFFY: OK. There were vamps out there tonight that wouldn't dust. I went to stake one and it…it's like…like it was repelling me or something. You should see what happened to the stake…

She reaches across to where she has put down Spike's coat, and puts her hand into the pocket. She winces in pain again, and withdraws her hand looking frustrated.

BUFFY: I don't believe this. It's not even there. What _is_ this? It…it was like it started to burn up in my hands. Looks like it finished the job on the way home.

SPIKE: Vampires with a don't-dust-me clause and spontaneously-combusting stakes? Sounds like fun.

BUFFY: Good. Then you're in for tomorrow night: the sequel?

SPIKE: You know me, Slayer. I got your back. I've always got your back.

BUFFY: [smiles, and puts her other hand over his, threading her fingers through his] It's a date then.

SPIKE: On one condition…

BUFFY: Anything.

SPIKE: You wear your own bloody coat.

BUFFY: [smiling up at him] I love y- 

SPIKE: [teasingly, imitating her in _Crush_] Don't! 

He puts up his hand to stop her in a mock gesture. 

SPIKE: [provocatively, savouring the moment] Don't say it. 

She laughs, taking hold of his chin with an equally exaggerated gesture and forcing him to look at her. 

BUFFY: [In exactly the same tone of voice as Spike in _Crush_] I ... love you. 

SPIKE: [raising his eyebrows] Oh yeah. 

BUFFY: [Taking hold of his face between both her hands and leaning in closer towards him with each few words] Just ... give me something...a crumb ... a barest smidgen ... tell me…maybe, someday, there's a chance…

SPIKE: [Putting his finger over her lips] Oh, there's a chance, Slayer…

Act II 

INT – SUMMERS' HOUSE – BREAKFAST

BUFFY and SPIKE are sitting opposite each other at the table. SPIKE is holding a vaguely 'S'-shaped piece of toast in one hand and is reading a large, heavy-bound book, on which he has balanced a number of similar toast shapes. He has the 'kiss the librarian' mug from _Something Blue_ in front of him. BUFFY has an empty plate in front of her and is drinking a mug of coffee. DAWN is over by the kitchen island, with a pile of toast, cutting out shapes.

BUFFY: [to Spike] What would Giles say if he knew you were using the Demon Anthology as a toast rack?

SPIKE: Nothing compared to what he'd say if he knew what happened to the Chains of…ow! [he breaks off as Buffy kicks him under the table]

DAWN comes over and places one of her toast shapes on Buffy's plate.

DAWN: There you go. B for Buffy.

BUFFY: That's a B? What are they teaching you in school nowadays?

Dawn sits down next to Spike as the sound of the front door opening and shutting is heard and XANDER enters.

XANDER: Hello Dawnster! Buffster! And em…Spikester.

SPIKE raises an eyebrow.

BUFFY: Xander. Come join us. We have coffee and personalised toast from the Dawn Catering Empire.

DAWN [reading over Spike's shoulder] Ew! That is disgusting. Why do demons have such icky eating habits?

BUFFY and SPIKE exchange a look.

DAWN: I mean, why aren't there like, donut demons or something?

BUFFY: [to Spike] Any joy?

SPIKE: None. Not a word about non-stakeable vamps.

XANDER: They are making them non-stakeable now? Since when?

BUFFY: Since last night. We had a small problem getting stake and vampire on speaking terms. __

XANDER: That is so weird. Even the master of all vampires takes a rain check puff-of-smoke-wise when you stake him.

BUFFY: [smiling across at Spike] He does? I thought that was a 'Drrrucula' exclusive.

XANDER: [not getting it] That's who I…what?

BUFFY: [Changing the subject] Anyway, Xander, we need your help. Spike and I are going to check out this non-stakey-vamp phenomenon tonight, so would you and Anya be able to come and keep Dawn company? I know you're already doing the lift-to-school thing today, but…

XANDER: Hey, say no more. Mrs Harris and I would be delighted to hang with the Dawnster.

DAWN: [to Buffy] Spike's out with you? You mean I have no bedtime story?

XANDER: Well I don't have a… em… colourful history like Spike here but hey, I am married to the twice ex-demon. I'm sure I can muster up…

BUFFY: (interrupting): Xander you start mustering in that direction and I will see to it that you never work with children or animals again.

DAWN: (infuriated) I am _not_ a child!

SPIKE: That would make you the other thing then… [wicked glance across at Buffy] …runs in the family.

XANDER: Hey, mustering. How come he gets away with it? 

BUFFY ignores them both and returns to the subject.

BUFFY: We'll meet you in the Bronze this evening then. Thanks, Xander, you're a star. Isn't he Dawn?

DAWN: I do _not_ need a babysitter.

BUFFY: I know that Dawnie, but someone has to watch the kitchen. 

INT – BRONZE - EVENING

The camera pans across the dancefloor where DAWN, XANDER, ANYA and WILLOW are all dancing. We move across to where BUFFY and SPIKE are shooting pool.

SPIKE: Look, I've been thinking. We need information here. I could try asking around but most of my fellow demons don't see me in a friendly light nowadays.

BUFFY: [potting a ball and walking round the table] You are so kidding yourself. Like they have _ever_ seen you in a friendly light.

She goes for her next shot and narrowly misses. She hands Spike the cue.

BUFFY: Your cue.

SPIKE: OK, here's the plan. [He sets up the shot] Odds are these vamps are new in town, and I'm willing to bet they'll show here sooner or later. [He pots the ball, the last of his own colour] So, what say I go introduce myself, see what I can find out? [He sets up to play a long, difficult pot on the black.]

BUFFY: Is that wise? What if they know who you are?

SPIKE: Sometimes you have to take a risk to win, Slayer. [He plays the shot and pots the black, winning the game]

DAWN: [approaching the table] Nice shot.

BUFFY: [getting out her wallet] I am going to buy this man a drink. 

SPIKE: [holding out the cue to Dawn] Dawn? 

DAWN: OK, I'll play, but no letting me win.

BUFFY: Dawn, trust me, he has _never_ let you win.

SPIKE: Hey Goldilocks! Beat you, didn't I? 

BUFFY: [smiling at him] I guess every now and then a girl meets her match.

She walks towards the bar as Spike and Dawn start their pool game.

Cut to SPIKE, BUFFY, DAWN, WILLOW, XANDER and ANYA a little later on, sitting round a table having a round of drinks.

XANDER: [looks at his watch] Time for us to get going. You ready, Dawn?

DAWN nods and gets up to leave.

WILLOW: [holds out both her hands] Hey, me too. Either that or I'm home alone and that could lead to late-night chat session with Giles or other similarly sordid pursuit.

ANYA: [in surprise, as she and DAWN each take one of Willow's hands] Giles? But Will, I thought…

XANDER: [interrupting] OK, stop that thought. And may I suggest that on the way home you call on the expertise of Willow, Dawn and myself to answer any remaining queries you may have about subtle and not-so-subtle facial and tonal cues that indicate when somebody is _joking_.

SPIKE: Yeah, like you're the expert on jokes.

WILLOW: Boys, boys. 

XANDER: What's up, Will, changing your tune?

ANYA: Hey, that was a joke. See? I get jokes. 

DAWN: Buffy, I am going to take these people home now.

BUFFY: [smiles] I think it's for the best.

After saying their goodbyes DAWN, WILLOW, XANDER and ANYA leave.

BUFFY and SPIKE remain sitting at the table.

SPIKE: Come on. I can feel it, Slayer. You know you want to dance.

BUFFY: [softly] Say it's true. Say I do want to.

They both get up and walk over to the dance floor without talking. They hold each other and dance.

BUFFY: Spike.

SPIKE: Mm?

BUFFY: Just…take care. 

He holds her closer.

Suddenly Spike breaks away.

BUFFY: What?

He indicates with his head to where VAMPIRES 1, 2 & 3 have entered and walked over to the bar. VAMPIRE 1 wipes his mouth with his hand before taking a swig of his drink and there is a glint of red blood on it.

SPIKE: Thought I could smell new blood.

He presses Buffy's hand in his own briefly and walks towards the bar. As he does so some kind of argument ensues between VAMPIRE 1 and the barman. VAMPIRE 1 throws the glass across the counter and he and the other two vampires get up and walk off. Spike follows at a distance, watched from the dance floor still by BUFFY.

INT – DILAPIDATED BUILDING - NIGHT

VAMPIRE 1 is sitting at a table, drinking whisky. He is in conversation with VAMPIRE 2, who is standing nearby. VAMPIRE 3 is pacing around the room and seems agitated.

The dark outline of SPIKE can be seen in the doorway.

SPIKE: [Walking into the room, cigarette in one hand] ' Evening all.

VAMPIRE 1: Who are you?

SPIKE: Bloody hell. [Shifts to game face and with a sudden movement grabs Vampire 3, spinning him round and pinning him against him across the throat] Do you have to ask? [throws Vampire 3 to the floor] Thought I had some kind of reputation round here.

Vampire 3 starts to get to his feet and looks ready to launch himself at Spike, but Vampire 1, who appears to be the leader of the gang, intercepts.

VAMPIRE 1: We're new in town. 

Spike acknowledges this with a half nod. 

VAMPIRE 1: So who are you? What do you want?

SPIKE sits down in the vacant chair and pours himself a drink. He holds out the bottle towards VAMPIRE 1, who shakes his head. SPIKE takes a sip of the drink before replying.

SPIKE: Alright. Word's got round. They say you got cosy with the Slayer and came out on top. Thing is…

He takes a drag on his cigarette

SPIKE: …that's usually my job. 

VAMPIRE 1: You're saying you've killed a slayer?

SPIKE puts down the glass and leans in towards VAMPIRE 1.

SPIKE: I've…[leans back in chair]…had a few slayers in my time, yeah. 

He takes another drag of the cigarette.

VAMPIRE 2: But not this one.

SPIKE: This one's tricky.

He picks up the glass again and takes another sip.

SPIKE: So, way I see it, you and me, we can help each other out here. 

VAMPIRE 3: We don't need your help.

SPIKE: No? Well the offer's there. Think it over.

VAMPIRE 1: [thoughtfully] He's right. The girl is tricky. [turns to Spike] So what can you do for us?

SPIKE: OK, Slayer Fact the First. Girl likes an early night. You want the slayer, you try again tonight, you're wasting your time. 

VAMPIRE 2: What, you're saying all a vampire has to do round here is wait until the Slayer knocks off and you're all free to come out to play?

SPIKE: The Slayer knocking off is not something the average vampire round here gets to experience. The girl's pretty thorough. She gets to pack up early because she's packed the vamps up earlier. Only the best hang around to tell the tale. You, for instance. Me. So, what's your secret?

VAMPIRE 1: What's yours?

SPIKE: Girl can't resist me. Always up for the fight, that one. And she knows she's not going to get it any better than me. So she can never quite bring herself to do it. Doesn't want the dance to end. 

VAMPIRE 1: [smiles] Good, but ours is better. Just how long have you got?

SPIKE: Long enough…as long as you don't mind me trespassing for the footie highlights a little later…

The three vampires all look blankly at him

SPIKE: What, you don't have satellite TV?

INT – SUMMERS' HOUSE – NIGHT

Focus in on DAWN, curled up on the sofa, reading a book. Off screen we can hear laughter, shouting and a rather frantic mechanical noise. 

XANDER (OS) [with his mouth full] Dawn, these cookies are great.

The camera pans out to reveal XANDER, ANYA and WILLOW playing _Hungry Hippos _[a game involving catching marbles in the mouths of mechanical hippos] on the other side of the room. 

ANYA: Dawn, _these_ cookies are great up until you hit tomato.

Both XANDER and WILLOW nudge ANYA to shut her up, causing her to lose her grip on her hippo.

ANYA: Hey! That's not fair! My hippo has been after that marble the whole game!

EXT – SUNNYDALE CEMETERY – NIGHT

BUFFY is walking through the cemetery, keeping a look out around her for anything that might be happening. Looking ahead, she stops. She is standing at the entrance to Spike's old crypt. Smiling softly to herself as if remembering something, she presses her hand up against the doorway and slowly traces a line downwards. 

Suddenly, she is grabbed from behind. 

Act III 

In the darkness we can just make out the shape of a figure making its way down some steps, struggling to keep a grip on BUFFY who is trying to wrench herself free. As they reach the bottom of the steps Buffy pulls herself free and in the process subjects her abductor to a series of kicks and punches.

FAMILIAR VOICE: Alright, alright, less of the fancy stuff. Can't show me anything I haven't seen before, love.

BUFFY: [incredulously, as she brushes herself off and tries to adjust her eyes to the darkness] Spike?

SPIKE takes his lighter out of an inside pocket in his coat and uses it to light some of the candles that are there, revealing that they are in the lower room of Spike's old crypt.

SPIKE: Well well Slayer. Here we are. You, me, tomb with a view. 

He drops the lighter into one of his outside coat pockets.

Buffy looks for a moment as if she is about to make an indignant retort, but her face breaks into an involuntary grin and she seats herself one of the coffins.

BUFFY: What can I say Vampire? It was always going to happen. 

Spike spots something, reaches downwards, and holds up a half-empty bottle.

SPIKE: And look what I found. We have refreshments.

BUFFY: Bourbon. Of course.

SPIKE: Vintage some joyful occasion last year.

BUFFY: Somebody has opened that.

SPIKE: [looking straight at her] And found something better to do than finish it.

BUFFY: Oh, _that_ joyful occasion last year.

SPIKE: [raises an eyebrow and smirks a little as he pours out a glass of bourbon and hands it to Buffy] 

BUFFY: [screws up her face and takes a sip] Ew! Gross. Don't you have any blood?

SPIKE laughs as they exchange a look.

BUFFY: [swinging her legs up so she is sitting cross-legged on the coffin] C'mon then Vampire. Explain yourself. Do you make a habit of stowing innocent females down here, or is that my privilege?

SPIKE: I needed to speak to you. Seemed like an opportunity too good to pass.

BUFFY: Where's Clem then? 

SPIKE: It's Friday. Line dancing night.

BUFFY: He line dances? There is so much more to him than meets the eye.

SPIKE: Yeah, that guy has hidden creases in hidden creases.

BUFFY widens her eyes in an expression of mock intrigue.

SPIKE: I'm guessing.

BUFFY: So did you catch up with the vamps then? How is it they won't stake?

SPIKE: OK, are you ready for this? Apparently they protect their hearts by covering them with some kind of magic potion. Something about the crushed bones of a past Slayer. 

BUFFY: An anti-stake spell? That's a new one.

SPIKE: Thing is, potion's got a sell-by date. Pumpkins on the stroke of midnight. That kind of thing.

BUFFY: So we're looking for a post-midnight staking here then? I can do that.

SPIKE: Oh, but there's more. They've come here to claim the one missing ingredient that will give the potion some kind of staying power. The one thing that will make them invincible. Immortal. 

BUFFY: Which is?

SPIKE: You're gonna like this. The fresh blood of a Slayer.

BUFFY: That would be my blood.

SPIKE: Full marks to the lady. 

BUFFY: You think it's true? 

SPIKE: [thoughtfully] I don't know. I…[he appears to be struggling] I killed two slayers, Buffy. You know the score. I just…I would know, wouldn't I? I've tasted it.

He seems reluctant to meet her eyes and when he does eventually look up there is a strange mixture of pain and defiance in his face.

BUFFY: [looking steadily at him] What do you say we do next?

SPIKE: [resuming his typical demeanour] Right, well I told them I'd come down here to get the TV for them. Keep them busy for the night, buys us a bit of time. I'll see what else I can find out.

BUFFY: What is it with the demonkind of today? TV, line dancing, kittens? 

SPIKE: Yeah, well, this isn't the dark ages any more, pet. ' Man's gotta have his vices. 

He lowers his gaze and raises it to her face again with a hint of a smile playing around his mouth.

BUFFY: And how do you explain to your new-found friends this late-night rendezvous with the enemy?

SPIKE: OK, how's this? I find the Slayer bint lurking round my crypt…Clem's crypt, if you're a sucker for detail,…decide to teach her a lesson, few rounds of rough and tumble, the girl gets away…[he gives a mock evil chuckle]…this time…

BUFFY: And I thought I lived with a creative genius. [Gets to her feet] Game on then, Vampire. Round One.

SPIKE: Round One?

BUFFY: What, you're gonna skimp on details now?

They exchange a look.

INT – SUMMERS' HOUSE - NIGHT

ANYA, WILLOW and XANDER are all sitting round the TV, singing along to a Disney Sing-A-Long-Songs video.

DAWN (OS): I'm off to bed then, guys.

The others do not respond.

The camera pans over to Dawn who has paused half way up the stairs.

DAWN: [calls out] 'Night then. 'Night Dawn. Sleep well. 

The others continue singing and pay no attention to her.

DAWN: [calls out, as she walks up the stairs to bed] I'm just going to get wildly drunk, burn down the house, and take a quick mugging spree round town, alright?

ANYA: [vaguely, not really listening] That's sweet of you Dawnie.

DAWN: [grinning, as she pokes her head back round from the top of the stairs] Oh, and you are _all_ missing the timing in the chorus. 

XANDER, ANYA and WILLOW: [All turning round to face Dawn at once] WHAT??

INT – upper level SPIKE'S CRYPT – NIGHT

BUFFY and SPIKE are walking up the steps of his crypt, both looking rather dishevelled. 

BUFFY: [As she heads towards the entrance] See you later, then. Happy bonding.

SPIKE: Buffy. 

BUFFY: Mm?

SPIKE: Watch your back.

BUFFY: [smiling] Thought you were back-watcher guy.

We move to the exterior of the crypt as BUFFY appears outside, scanning the area cautiously.

VAMPIRE 1: (OS) We meet again, Slayer. 

BUFFY folds her arms across her chest and taps her foot with an exaggerated gesture of boredom as VAMPIRES 1, 2 and 3 approach.

VAMPIRE 1: Didn't think it would be long before you came to seek out the bit of rough.

BUFFY kicks him, sending him staggering back slightly.

VAMPIRE 1: [laughing as he regains his balance] And he gives us some bull about getting the TV.

At this moment SPIKE appears, carrying his TV.

SPIKE: [putting the TV down] Boys, come on in. Have to say my place is a bloody sight nicer than yours. Can see why you came. 

VAMPIRE 1: Nice of you to bring the missus along for the ride…Spike.

SPIKE: [realising his cover is blown] Hey, it was worth a try. [He punches VAMPIRE 2 in the face and he falls to the ground] Offer's still on. Highlights of the ' United game in ten minutes.

VAMPIRE 2 gets to his feet and punches Spike back.

A fight ensues between Buffy, Spike and the three vampires. While Spike exchanges a series of blows with Vampires 2 and 3, Buffy manages to overpower Vampire 1 and slams him up against the outside wall of the crypt. She takes out a stake and holds it to his chest. 

BUFFY: You know what? You're right. I can't resist a bit of rough.

She plunges the stake towards his heart, but suddenly screams and drops it, grasping her hand in agony. Vampire 1 takes his opportunity to move out of her way.

VAMPIRE 1: [tauntingly] You don't get it, do you Slayer? You can't touch us. You gonna get that through your pretty head or you gonna keep coming back for more?

He and the other two vamps exit, laughing.

SPIKE: [coming over to Buffy, as he catches his breath] You alright?

BUFFY: Yeah, I'm OK. Look at that though.

She holds out her hand to reveal most of yesterday's bandage has been burnt away, and there are angry red burn marks across her skin.

SPIKE: [Walking across to where the stake she has dropped is lying on the grass.] Tell me we have at least a reserve choice stake here. [He tries to pick it up but lets out a yell and drops it again]

Buffy comes over to join him and they both look at the charred remains of the stake.

BUFFY: Oh yes. A Slayer always comes prepared. [She sighs and shakes her head in frustration] What _is_ this?

The legacy of a long-dead Slayer or just some dumb vamp game I haven't sussed yet?

She turns back to Spike.

BUFFY: I'm the Slayer, right? Sworn to protect the world at any cost. Well…I think it's time this slayer paid a visit to the vampires' lair. Lead the way.

Act IV 

INT – DILAPIDATED BUILDING – NIGHT

The three Vampires are sitting inside the building. BUFFY and SPIKE enter.

VAMPIRE 1: Slayer. Thought you might show.

BUFFY: So talk. What's the game?

VAMPIRE 1: You know what we want.

BUFFY: Let me get this straight. You're after my blood, so that you, the scum of the earth, can become invincible.

And you have the courtesy to _ask_? I'm touched. Flattered. Really I am. Gotta pass though boys. Sorry.

VAMPIRE 1: [Shrugs his shoulders] It's your choice, Slayer. You don't wanna play, we can take it the other way. 

BUFFY: Like hell you can.

VAMPIRE 1: You know we can. Could get messy, that's all.

BUFFY says nothing. 

VAMPIRE 1: Listen. We don't need a lot. ' Few drops. Just enough to test it on a willing volunteer. A trial run, if you like. That's where your man comes into it. 

SPIKE: Well that's gratitude for you. I was bloody going to lend you my TV.

BUFFY: You want me to donate a few drops of my blood so you can make my man guinea pig in your staking experiment? Gentlemen, you have got to work on your selling technique.

VAMPIRE 1: We will have your blood Slayer. Whoever gets hurt on the way. You can't hurt us, Slayer, so how can you protect them? The friends, the kid sister…

BUFFY: [turning pale] How did you –

VAMPIRE 1: Like your friend said, word gets around. 

BUFFY thinks for a moment, and then walks over to Vampire 1.

BUFFY: Say I do it. I give you three of the best, we try out the potion, it works. You're gonna need more. More potion, more of this Slayer's blood. I don't have a lot to spare. What's stopping you getting the rest?

VAMPIRE 1: [indicating towards Spike] The invincible bit on the side, maybe?

BUFFY: So what's in this for you? He becomes invincible, you're gonna have to drain me a little before you can join him. And you're gonna have to come through the both of us. Tough call.

VAMPIRE 1: Unless…

BUFFY: Unless what?

VAMPIRE 1: He was a legend, Girl. The darkest of the dark. You up the stakes, you give him that little bit of immortality he's always wanted…who's to say? How much do you trust him, Slayer?

BUFFY stands facing Vampire 1, considering what he has said. Then she turns and walks slowly and deliberately across the room to where Spike is standing. She places both her hands gently on his chest and slowly and tenderly runs her hands upwards to take hold of his collar. She stands in front of him, facing him in silence for a moment. Then with one sudden movement she rips open his shirt and spins round to face the vampires.

BUFFY: You're on. We'll do it.

VAMPIRE 1 nods to VAMPIRE 3, who approaches BUFFY holding out a small penknife.

BUFFY: [stepping back from him] Don't touch me!

VAMPIRE 1: Come on, Slayer. We'll play fair. Only a few drops.

BUFFY: We'll do this my way.

She turns back to face Spike and holds her hand out towards him.

BUFFY: [not looking at him] Do it.

SPIKE: Buffy…

BUFFY raises her eyes to meet his.

BUFFY: [more resolutely] Do it.

SPIKE hangs his head as if in pain. He takes her hand in his, as he does so folding in her fingers so that only her forefinger remains extended. He continues to keep his head bowed, focusing on her hand.

BUFFY: [almost fiercely] Just do it.

SPIKE shakes his head slowly and painfully and then slowly lifts her finger towards his mouth. We can see there are tears in his eyes as he looks towards Buffy, who is still looking straight at him. In one resolute gesture Spike shifts into game face and sinks his teeth into her finger. Her face remains expressionless as an expression of great yearning flickers across his face. Seemingly fighting some great battle within, Spike suddenly flings his head backwards, dropping Buffy's hand as if it has stung him.

BUFFY turns back to the vampires and holds out her finger, revealing a deep gash. Cradling it in her other hand to prevent the blood spilling, she starts to walk towards them.

BUFFY: [her voice shaking with anger] You wanna know how much I trust him? This is it, isn't it? [holding out her finger towards them] This is what you vamps crave more than anything else in the world. Look at that. Not a drop taken…[her voice breaks]…not a bloody drop.

She holds her finger up over the mixture and allows three drops of blood to drip into it.

BUFFY: That's how much I trust him. [beat] Question is…

She walks back over to Spike, whips out a stake and holds it to his chest, looking up into his eyes

BUFFY: …how much does he trust me?

All this time the vampires have watched in silence, gripped by the scene unfolding in front of them. Suddenly they seem to regain their senses.

VAMPIRE 1: Hang on slayer. No-one said you get to do the staking.

BUFFY: Like I said, we do this my way.

SPIKE: Told you she was tricky.

BUFFY: Potion, please.

VAMPIRE 3 picks up the pot carefully and starts to take it over to Buffy.

VAMPIRE 1: Hang on, Slayer. How do we know you're not going to try anything stupid like pretending he won't stake when he sure as hell will?

BUFFY: You're right. That _would_ be stupid. 

Spike reaches inside his coat for a cigarette.

BUFFY: About as stupid as keeping one very impatient Slayer waiting for this potion.

Shot of Spike reaching into his pocket for his lighter.

VAMPIRE 2: [to Vampire 3] Give it to her.

Shot of Spike frowning as he continues to grope around in his pocket.

BUFFY takes the pot from VAMPIRE 3.

Shot of Spike checking his opposite pocket.

VAMPIRE 3: Yeah, you put your hand right in and smear it all over him. 

VAMPIRES 1 & 2 glare at VAMPIRE 3

Focus on Spike's hand as he re-checks the original pocket. He suddenly puts his fingers straight through a hole in the bottom of the pocket. He looks down, thoughtfully, still frowning.

BUFFY: [about to reach into the pot] Tell me if it hurts.

SPIKE: Wait up, love. The boys want to play? Let them play. So, who's up for the smearing then?

BUFFY: [surprised] You want one of them to do it?

SPIKE: Just noticing how they're not very forthcoming here, pet.

BUFFY: What are you saying? 

SPIKE: [to the Vampires] What is it, don't wanna get your hands dirty?

BUFFY: [realising what Spike is getting at] Bit late for that. 

She lifts the pot up as if about to throw it at the vampires. They all back across the room towards the empty doorway on the opposite side.

VAMPIRE 1: You can't touch us, Slayer. You know that.

BUFFY: Maybe I don't play by your rules.

BUFFY throws the pot across the room and it hits the wall just above the empty doorway. It shatters and the liquid pours over the head of VAMPIRE 3, who is trying to make his escape through the doorway at that very moment. He screams as he falls to the floor and shortly afterwards crumbles into ashes.

BUFFY: Hmm…interesting.

BUFFY and SPIKE proceed to fight VAMPIRE 2. As they fight the already dilapidated building takes several knocks and the odd brick is dislodged. After a short time they manage between them to knock VAMPIRE 2 senseless and leave him in a crumpled heap on the floor.

BUFFY: Two down, one to go. Where did he get to?

She and Spike head through the empty doorway, being careful not to tread on the last traces of liquid from the smashed pot there. They find themselves in a second room but there is no sign of VAMPIRE 1.

VAMPIRE 1 (OS): The question is, how're you going to take me? We're all out of potion.

Buffy and Spike turn round to find him standing in the doorway.

BUFFY: What is this all about? 

VAMPIRE 1: [from the doorway] They've been saying Sunnydale is hell for us vamps nowadays. Not only the Slayer but the Slayer's bit of stuff making life very difficult for our kind. Couldn't resist a challenge.

BUFFY: The blood of the Slayer? The invincibility potion?

VAMPIRE 1: All we had to do was work out a way to take you both out and I'd say we were pretty near invincible. You played along very nicely…for a while.

SPIKE: Game's up, mate.

VAMPIRE 1: I wouldn't be so sure. Slayer's still in, aren't you?

He advances towards BUFFY.

SPIKE: Touch my lady and you'll be sorry.

VAMPIRE 1: [suddenly grabbing BUFFY from behind] What are you going to do about it?

BUFFY throws him off, and he lands in a heap on the floor.

SPIKE: Applaud the lady while she breaks your sorry neck.

VAMPIRE 1 gets to his feet and launches himself at Spike.

SPIKE: I said don't touch the lady.

SPIKE punches VAMPIRE 1 in the face and he stumbles backwards. As he tries to catch his balance BUFFY launches herself at his back with a drop kick, sending him to the floor. She lands on top of him and sits, straddling him, holding his head down by his hair. 

BUFFY: [pulling VAMPIRE 1's head up by his hair] You heard him.

She breaks off and looks down in amazement as a pool of thick, dark liquid very similar to the 'potion' in the pot spreads out from underneath VAMPIRE 1

SPIKE [looking on as he catches his breath] Might wanna watch your feet there, love.

BUFFY lifts up each foot in turn, pinning each of Vampire 1's arms to the floor with the heels of her boots.

BUFFY: [leaning in towards Vampire 1's face, which she still holds up from the floor] You want the blood of the Slayer? Have a taste.

She shoves his face down into the pool of liquid on the floor.

BUFFY: Let me know if you live forever.

SPIKE holds out his hand and helps Buffy back to her feet, keeping her from stepping on the liquid. As Buffy gets off Vampire 1 he rolls over onto his back. He writhes in agony as he covers his burning face with his hands. 

SPIKE: Will you look at that.

The potion has burnt away most of Vampire 1's shirt and jacket, revealing some kind of protective material wrapped around his upper body. Strapped to the Vampire's chest is a small box, crushed by his own weight, from which the dark liquid is seeping out. As they watch, Vampire 1 crumbles into ashes.

SPIKE: No immortality then. Just your standard skin-eating poison.

BUFFY bends down and dips the end of the stake she is holding in the puddle of liquid on the floor. The tip fizzes and dissolves. She quickly jerks her hand back up again.

BUFFY: That is one hell of an appetite for something so slimy.

SPIKE: You gotta hand it to them. The idea was almost there. Stake 'em through the box and instead of bye bye evil Undead it's bye bye pointy sticks. 

BUFFY: [looking at the remains of Vampire 1 on the floor] Think I spotted a design flaw though. 

They both stand in silence for a minute.

BUFFY: So how did you know?

SPIKE: I solved the mystery of yesterday's disappearing stake. It ate through my pocket.

BUFFY: [smiles] I say we go dust him nextdoor.

Buffy and Spike return to the first room again. Vampire 2 is still lying, unconscious, on his back in the middle of the room. 

BUFFY [kneeling down and propping Vampire 2 up]: Here, take hold of him. We don't want to risk any more sticky moments. We'll finish this one from behind.

SPIKE bends down and takes hold of Vampire 2's shoulders from the front.

BUFFY takes out the stake and is about to dust the vampire when she remembers that she took the end of the stake off dipping it into the liquid. She turns the end of the stake up to face her for a moment, pauses, and then turns it back over and plunges the blunt end into the vampire's back. He dusts.

BUFFY: Who needs pointy bits anyway?

SPIKE: We should get going. This building looks like it could come down at any minute.

He stops mid-gesture, as if suddenly realising the significance of what he has just said.

Focus on Buffy, still kneeling on the floor, as she looks towards him with a wicked twinkle in her eyes.

Focus on Spike as a slow smile spreads across his face.

EXT – SUMMERS' HOUSE – NIGHT

BUFFY and SPIKE are sitting on the porch, in the moonlight. She is cradled against him as he reads to her from his book. After a while he breaks off.

SPIKE: You know, I had a great inspiration for the sequel today. How's this? Vampire meets girl, falls for her, goes through fire, water and finger paintings to prove it to her, finally wins her love and they all live happily ever after.

BUFFY: [smiling] It's a beautiful idea. [wrapping her arms around his neck] But Spike…

SPIKE: Mm hm?

BUFFY: [whispers with her mouth touching his] It would never…[kisses him]…ever…[kisses him again]…happen.

The camera pans out as they [and the spuffy faithful worldwide] indulge in a long, tender kiss. 

Long shot of the two of them on the porch in the moonlight. 

Fade

Blackout

Dedicated to all the wonderful and inspiring people at the Crumbling Walls website.


End file.
